How to Take Care of Your Mom
Written by Naomi G.
For the daughters, so they never stop trying to teach their stubborn mothers how to truly live.
If you have enough money, sell your soul and hope she realizes that caring for herself will breathe life back into you.
Get your hair done. Part your scalp, clean it up with gel so she sees the path of life you've drawn out for her—continuous.
Who cares about vitamins? Just take all her pills at one time so she sees what your body looks like, worn out and struggling, before she decides to take a higher dose than needed.
Cry, get choked up. Make her know that you're suffocating on her carelessness. You've always been sensitive anyway.
Play pretend. Change bodies, snatch all her pain away. Imagination creates reality!
Be a brat, throw a tantrum. Tell her that you want her to go to the doctor and wait for her to do it. Spoiled kids get everything they want, right?
Bring up Grandpa. Look at her call log filled with phone calls between them. Each call ends with pleas for him to take care of himself.
Remind her of when she told you to be stupid like her. Look at your call log filled with phone calls between you and her. Tell her that you can't fight generational problems while she's running marathons to keep the cycle alive.
Ask her when she took up running (away). New hobby or latest fad?
Hell, just birth her yourself so she has no choice but to listen to you — mothers are never wrong.
Repeat. Pestering always gets the job done.
